Listen

Listening

You’ve heard it in the news, you read it books & articlesand of course, online. What is it to be a good listener? What does that looklike? Most importantly, what does that sound like?

Nothing, it sounds like nothing! I have a degree inKinesiology so I am not going to pretend to be a subject matter expert here. Ican really only write about my own experiences and how my path has molded myoutlook. I will often get a compliment from people that I have such a goodmemory. The truth is that I am an auditory leaner so, in my professional field, thataids me tremendously. I learn best from the things I have heard. But being anauditory leaner with great memory retention doesn’t mean you are going to be agood listener. Conversely, you can be a very good listener and not be anauditory leaner. To be a good listener is an art. It is something you need towork on and a skill you need to cultivate. And it starts with giving a shit.

Entering into a conversation, or any human interaction forthat matter, with confidence is critically important. A great number of peopleenter into a conversation with a need to prove something or defend their “case”for whatever reason. Why not Adopt the sales mantra, two ears and one mouth,use them in that ratio. See, people don’t enter into conversations with theintent to listen. They enter into conversations with the desire to be right.Treating a conversation as an opportunity to express THEIR point and thusreceive validation for their thoughts or maybe curving someone else’s. Stop it!Just be confident and comfortable with how YOU are and not force anything onothers. Respond when ASKED.

Everyone is in such a rush to be correct and be the smartone in the room that they lose sight of a very important fact. “Every singleperson you meet knows something that you don’t.” Yup, marinate on that for justa second. Ta da – that statement confirms you should STFU and learn fromothers. No single individual has walked the same path or encountered the samethings, therefore will have a unique outlook on life. You won’t know or discoverthat outlook for yourself, so unless you quite your mind and allow yourself tolisten to another’s path you won’t benefit and learn.

Who, what, where, when and why? The basics right? How manytimes can you actually answer these following a conversation with someone? AndI do mean specifics. Not that it was about the person’s mom but what was hername? Where does she live? What was the name of the Café they were in? Why isthis story being shared with you and what impact does she have on thisperson’s life? It has meaning; it’s on their mind and they're carrying it withthem, so obviously there is something there. Maybe not on the surface, but thereis something they needed to say. Maybe they need nothing from you and justhaving someone LISTEN will allow them to reach their own conclusion, clarity orsatisfaction.

But what if it isn’t verbal? There are many times that anindividuals' non-verbal communication is so loud it’s crazy! Most of us canfigure this one out when its anger because it is the most demonstrative / obvious.But what about sadness, loss, confusion or fear? How do those things manifestthemselves inside of someone? You won’t ever know unless you listen and payattention. If you’re not aware of what an individual normally exudes than youwill not be keen enough to hear these small nuances. So again, stop, listen,and don’t be in such a rush to hear your voice again or go on to somethingmindless. Stay with the meaningful.

Whether we realize it or not, one of the most basic things wecrave is to be a part of a tribe, to belong to something bigger. To have thosethat care about us and us of them. Please stop taking relationships, of anycapacity, for granted. People need you and you need them! The times when you’reneeded the most will rarely be asked for, so listen and be aware.

Listen. Be kind to each other and give a phuck.

It’s not always easy but you meant enough to them that theywanted to share with you. Embrace that.